The White Bengal Tiger

Last night, I had a nightmare with a white Bengal tiger. It all started off in a zoo-like place. I don’t remember who was there exactly, but I do remember that they were people I knew. For some reason, it seemed like all the cages for the animals had been opened..There were people screaming and running for their lives. Others were trying to make minimal movements as to not alert the savage animals. I remember there was this little girl traveling with us..beautiful as can be, her innocence and fear showing. People were being attacked by beasts behind the cages…trainers and zoo employees. I was watching the horror myself, while trying to limit what that little girl saw. I don’t think it was of much use though…the damage had been done…she had already seen too much. She began to cry loudly, and I had no idea what to do. I just grabbed her hand and dragged her away…

The majority of the animals were behind us at this point…as the group passed the cages of the wild cats, we witness countless brutal murders. It was fascinating and repulsive at the same time. The cats that were so beautiful and intriguing behind closed gates, were now the cause of our major terror…at least mine. The cat cubs were all loose and wandering around; looking for prey they could attack themselves. Unfortunately, that meant children…an easy target. I noticed that the little girl whose hand I had been holding, had let go and was standing alone whimpering. Behind her, there was a young black cub..contemplating how to devise his fateful attack. Swooping her in my arms…I somehow found the courage to look the cub straight in the eyes. As though defeated, it took a step back and then retreated to find another hopeless victim. At least she would be safe with me…for the moment.

The dream flashed forward. We had somehow made it through the havoc inside..only to find that the real threat…the sizeable cats, had already managed to find their way outside. The only way to get out of the building, was through a chain linked fence…which had already been pried open. To stay meant to die…but to move forward meant considerable risk, even death as well. Risk is something I would have to live with…I stepped outside the fence. I expected to be pranced on at any moment so I thought…’okay, I’m going to keep my eyes peeled’….not that it would matter anyway, my eyes wouldn’t have been able to do anything for me.

A few men went through the chained fence first, wanting so badly to get out of there. I didn’t blame them…but I had the little girl…I couldn’t afford to think just about myself. Maybe, that’s what saved me, or maybe it was the rare white bengal tiger. The minute the men stepped through the fence, they darted off running. The wildcats were all laying on the grass…seeing the men..a few went after them. I knew their fate…there was no doubting that a wildcat could out run a human, even if they did have a head start. Looking around I knew we were out-powered and out-numbered.

A sense told me to look to the left, so I did. Holding the little girl in my arms I witness the most amazing beast I have ever seen. A white Bengal tiger…it had the bluest eyes I had ever seen. My eyes were transfixed to his…the strangest thing was that I was paralyzed, but not by fear…it was like I recognized him. There was something in his eyes that reached into my soul. The majestic tiger had been lying on the grass, but when I appeared, He stood up. He made no motion toward me, he just stood there…watching me. The only one of its kind, yet clearly, you knew he was the one that held all the power.

I was left with two views before I woke up…one the Bengal tiger and his piercing blue gaze…and the second was a man. The man’s resolve was intact. He went up to the cats smiling and petted them like housecats…hell they were so happy to see him, you would have thought they were dogs. The Bengal never removed his steady gaze from me..he began to walk toward me and then he walked right by me and to the man. This man had something on his side, something that even the great powerful Bengal Tiger respected. This is when I woke up….

 

 

 

Tracks 8 & 11

Has anyone ever noticed that on most cds, tracks 8 & 11 tend to be the best ones? Over the years I have collected a lot of cds…and I guess it’s just something I’ve picked up along the way. I’m not saying that there are not exceptions to this rule, but, for the majority it’s true. Just a little something I thought I’d share…check it  out for yourself.

So I’m Not A Lunatic!

” When we observe a woman who seems hostile and fiercely independent some of the time but passive, dependent and feminine on other occasions, our reducing valve usually makes us choose between the two syndromes. We decide that one pattern is in the service of the other, or that both are in the service of a third motive. She must be a really castrating lady with a facade of passitivity-or perhaps she is a warm, passive-dependent woman with a surface defense of aggressiveness. But perhaps nature is bigger than our concepts and it is possible for the lady to be a hostile, fiercely independent, passive, dependent, feminine, aggressive, warm, castrating person all-in-one. Of course which of these she is at any particular moment would not be random or capricious-it would depend on who she is with, when, how, and much, much more. But each of these aspects of her self may be a quite genuine and real aspect of her total being.”-Walter Mischel

“Character, then, isn’t what we think it is or, rather, what we want it to be. It isn’t a stable, easily identifiable set of closely related traits, and it only seems that way because of a glitch in the way our brains are organized. Character is more like a bundle of habits and tendencies and interests, loosely bound together and dependent, at certain times, on circumstance and context. The reason that most of us seem to have a consistent character is that most of us are really good at controlling our environment. I have a lot of fun at dinner parties. As a result, I throw a lot of dinner parties and my friends see me there and think that I’m fun. But if I couldn’t have lots of dinner parties, if my friends instead tended to see me in lots of different situations over which I had little or no control-like, say, faced with four hostile youths in a filthy, broken-down subway-they probably wouldn’t think of me as fun anymore.”-The Tipping Point

Pushed A Step Back

This morning at two o’clock, I went online to see if my newest class was available….it was. However I was severely disappointed with the course description. The writing of two term papers was no big deal to me, nor was the fact that they were each six to seven pages long. I actually love to write, I believe it to be one of my best God given qualities. What did happen to be a big deal to me was the actual subject matter that I was suppose to write on. The class I enrolled for was a Religion Interpretation and Analysis class. I thought that maybe the professor would go into detail with the different religions, which would enable me to learn about other people and their outlook on life. However, I got more than I had bargained for because the students are required to attend mosques and church services, dressing according to each custom. This is something that I just will not do. So, I immediately dropped the class and now I’m without. I didn’t feel right taking a class like that…I guess it’s just something personal, between me and God. The classes I need to take for my major are not exactly being offered at this present time, so I feel like I’m on some sort of waiting list. Trying to chase a dream but I’m being pushed a step back. Hopefully soon, God can open up some doors for me, in the meantime….I’ll just enjoy what I have and write to you.

Do You Know What You Want?

‘Ours is a world where people don’t know what they want, and are willing to go through hell to get it.’

-Don Marquis

‘The mind doesn’t reach toward achievement until it has clear objectives.’-Anonymous

 

 

When It’s Raining…

I love when it rains outside. Most people feel that when it’s raining outside, the day is gloomy. However, I find rain extremely peaceful, especially with all its different sounds. You hear all the thunder and the pitter patter that comes with each raindrop. Rain comes in so many pleasant ways…it can show up as a morning shower, a mist, or, it can come down nice and heavy. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried it, but standing out in the middle of the street while its pouring outside is soooo awesome! You should only do this of course, if there’s no thunder. I wish I had the umph to go out and sit in the rain right now but I don’t. I’m actually quite jealous that the storm started without me…kind of crazy…I know. So anyway, I guess I’ll just take this time to take a nap….did I mention sleeping through a rain storm is also pleasant?

Taking A Chance On Love

I’ve recently realized that I love someone. He makes me crazy half the time, but I know that I love him. For once, I’m willing to put myself completely out there. I’m willing to take a chance on loving him. He always makes me feel so special and appreciated. We’ve been friends since we first met and he’s always been there for me. Everytime I’ve ever liked someone, I’ve balled up into a cocoon and never really shown the real me, only the side that I think the person might like. With him, I’ve always been myself…and I know that he’s always loved me for it. Part of starting my new life is living and enjoying it to the maximum. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I’d like to think it has a future, that I have a future. I choose to start that future by taking a chance on love.

Live Without?

The world is full of people. In your life, you have people that you love, people that you like to hang around, and people you can’t stand. But there are some people in your life who come in as friends and end up leaving the taste of bile in your mouth. There are people that you love from the very beginning..and they end up either letting you down or causing you an extreme amount of pain that contributes to you becoming a totally different person. I’ve heard before that pain changes people..and its true. I made a promise to love someone forever…my best friend; we were inseparable for a long time. Time has passed and there have been instances where we’ve talked to each other as enemies. To be honest, after the pain I been through, I’m not to sure I’m willing to try being friends again. I think I’m willing to live without. I believe that maybe this time, the past should be left in the past. Does that mean that I’m going back on a promise? I’m not sure, but to be honest…when a shows over, it’s over. There’s no sense in opening the curtain when no show is going to be performed.

What Makes You Come Alive

‘Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.’
-Harold Whitman

Starting A New Life

Hello, my name is Jessie. I am 20 years old and a college student. I hope to become a novel editor…at least that’s my latest career choice. The last couple of years in my life have been pretty hectic and I’ve forgotten who I really am. Thank heavens for good family and time away. I finally feel like I’m breaking ground and becoming a stronger version of what I use to be before the mayhem. Anyway, I’ve created this blog as a way of starting a new life. Stories from my past will of course….sneak in. Horrid people might actually be crudely mentioned…but so what?! The good stuff will be shared as well…I’m here to chase my dreams. From this day forward I start my new life and you are invited to go on this journey with me..